I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
