I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
