I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
