How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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