My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
