i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
