I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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