I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
