so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I understand Curling. That high.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Randomize
