Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
