took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
