yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
