I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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