Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
