hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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