You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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