Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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