Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
