wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
