I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
