we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
he was CRYING into my vagina
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
