BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
tell me about the eggs
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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