A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i think im in europe. pls send help
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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