That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
