apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
