Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
