dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
