from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
