1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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