That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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