everyone is single if you try hard enough
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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