if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
