Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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