I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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