nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
