I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
