There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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