That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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