if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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