dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
