Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think your dad took our porno
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
