maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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