I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
