We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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