yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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