i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize