you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
