at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
