Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
