I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
