My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I am one with the molecules
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
